Archive | January 2015

The Bro Code

Since time immemorial, the love that the Bros share has only grown and it can easily be attributed to their religiously following of The Bro Code. This bond can never be expressed on paper; the unspoken rules, the unheard instances of bromance, everything about Bro Code is mysterious and this is what forms the basis of The Bro Code.

Pardon me Barney for my audacity, but despite being a mere human, I have tried to list down some of the rules and guidelines for the Bros which form the core of The Bro Code.

  1. Bros before hoes – A ‘hoe’ is defined as any woman that is not your wife or any other direct family.
  2. A bro will never talk about his love for another bro unless he is totally wasted.
  3. A bro is always allowed to do something stupid as long as his bro’s are doing it.
  4. Whether a Bro is into sports or not, a Bro picks a team and supports them until his dying breath.
  5. A bro shall not gaze at a naked bro, if for ANY reason a bro gets naked, all other bros will act as if nothing is out of the ordinary, averting their eyes away. If the towel drops, so do your eyes.
  6. A bro never sends a birthday card to another bro.
  7. A bro will not sleep with another bro’s sister.
  8. A Bro never watches a chick flick.
  9. Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.
  10. A Bro never cries. With the exception of being physically threatened by RajniKanth or Bhai himself.
  11. When greeting another Bro, never engage in a full embrace.
  12. A Bro never wears pink.
  13. If a Bro accidentally strikes another Bro’s crotch while walking, both silently agree to act as if nothing happened.
  14. A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday.
  15. A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with a condom when he scores.
  16. If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize, that’s what women do.
  17. A Bro never questions another Bro’s stated chick score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it.
  18. If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave.
  19. A Bro never wears socks with sandals.
  20. The mum of a Bro is always off-limits.
  21. If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his Facebook/Twitter the Bro will sign out for him, but only after many many humiliating updates.
  22. A Bro shall not damage another Bros’ chances to score with a chick.
  23. If a Bro should fail at anything during sporting activities or games, he is required to make an excuse for himself, it is always the ball, bat, racket, shoes, glove, controller or equipment’s fault.
  24. Every Bro knows a Bro who is the worlds best at something.
  25. If a Bro lends another Bro a pen drive, video game, or game controller, he shall not expect to ever get it back.
  26. A Bro doesn’t listen to chick music…in front of other Bros.
  27. A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion.
  28. When a Bro is in doubt, he shall consider the actions of Bhai before making a decision.
  29. A Bro Never Uses A Urinal That’s Right Next To The Other Bro
  30. All bro’s are distracted by the number 69 and it’s sexual meaning, rendering all bros unable to read anything immediately after this number.
  31. If a bro finds his bro’s girlfriend repulsive, he shall not say anything until they have broken up.
  32. A bro always has his bro’s back
  33. A girl can be a bro if and only if:She is the only girl present with the bros.

    She is not related to any of the bros.

    She is not dating/married to any of the bros.

    Has been accepted by all other bros unanimously.

    Agrees with and abides by ALL bro codes.

  34. Bros DO NOT make eye contact while at urinals, and DO NOT take a peek at their bro’s little bro.
  35. Bros don’t wax their body hair.
  36. A Bro DOES NOT choose his own nickname. A nickname is bestowed upon you by your fellow bros, either as a punishment or a reward for epic deeds.
  37. A Bro of a Bro is a Bro to you.
  38. When a Bro has a kid, his Bros become honorary uncles and must take this honour seriously,  offering the same Bro-like respect for the child, and hand down valuable life lessons using their father’s moments of stupidity as the tales of caution.
  39. Bro’s don’t pout for photos.
  40. A bro does not allow his bro to drunk dial or text his ex. This is one of very few situations where a punch to the groin is acceptable, your bro will thank you for it later.
  41. Bro’s don’t share details about their “little bro” with other bro’s.
  42. Once shook upon, a bro ALWAYS honours a bet. No matter what the agreed proposition is, the losing bro honours the bet.
  43. Bros don’t stop to smell flowers
  44. When in doubt, ask your bros.
  45. If a chick fight breaks out, all nearby bro’s must be alerted IMMEDIATELY. Furthermore, bro’s DO NOT break up chick fights unless blood is drawn.
  46. A Bro will ALWAYS watch a movie narrated by Morgan Freeman.
  47. When a Bro wants to do something stupid, first you try to talk the Bro out of it. If they still want to do it, you film it.
  48. ALL conversations between bros are subject to “bro to bro confidentiality”.
  49. A bro cannot give another bro a Teddy bear.
  50. Bros shall never under any circumstances go and see chick flicks alone. Chick flicks are only tolerated when there is a 100% chance of getting laid.
  51. A bro does not dare/challenge another bro to do anything they wouldn’t try them self. If the dare/challenge is turned down, the challenger must attempt it before ridicule is permitted.
  52. When a Bro leaves his seat, the seat becomes vacant and cannot be reclaimed if a fellow Bro takes it. Lift your feet, lose your seat.
  53. A Bro never leaves a Bro behind.
  54. A Bro doesn’t attend a class if the other Bros don’t attend it.
  55. A Bro shares all his assignments and reports with other Bros.
  56. Bros only comment on a fellow bro’s fashion choice if that choice will affect the bro’s ability to get laid.
  57. Bros never use the term SWAG or YOLO to describe anything.
  58. When a bro offers another bro chewing gum, that offer is for two or more pieces, never one!
  59. A bro doesn’t get lost, he merely finds an alternate route.
  60. A Bro hates Justin Beiber, One Direction, Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montanna and loves Eminem, Football and Formula 1.

P.S. A Bro knows this list would keep getting updated as it is not exhaustive.

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